LIFE COACHING SERIES – STORY VS FACT

THE BENEFIT OF LIFE COACHING

A few years ago, I stumbled across life coaching. Shortly after my son passed away, someone introduced me to a life coaching podcast. Immediately, I was hooked. I’ve always been fascinated equally with psychology and self-help, so needless to say, I knew I had to learn more. I ended up getting certified as a life coach, and it’s been a huge game-changer in both business and life. 

I know I tend to be a tad dramatic at times, but I’m being serious when I say life coaching changed my life. So what does life coaching have to do with business? 

EVERYTHING. 

Personal and business relationships are pivotal to the success of any business. When you have strong personal relationships and connections, they allow you to excel, because you have a strong support system. Strong personal connections foster trust and loyalty; these relationships can offer valuable advice, referrals, and emotional support. 

In a business context, relationships with clients, partners, and suppliers ensure smooth operations, reliable collaborations, and mutual growth opportunities. Cultivating these relationships leads to repeat business and a positive reputation — all of which are essential for success and growth. 

With all of this said, I’ve decided to do a series of episodes sharing some of the most valuable tools and skills I’ve learned through life coaching. 

The first podcast of the series is a concept called Story vs. Facts. 

STORY VS. FACT

Think of something that happened to you when you were younger. You could describe that story to me with all the details. I could then ask your siblings, friends, or parents about that same experience, and their recollection could be completely different. Here’s the thing: Our life is made up of these stories. We all perceive things in different ways. These are stories. 

Now let’s talk about facts. A fact is something that everyone can agree on. For example, I’m a mom. If I went to court, it can be proven that I’m a mom. 

Here’s another thing about facts. They don’t hurt us. When things happen, they have no effect on us until we give them meaning. If a friend got in a car wreck and was severely hurt, you could be laughing because your mind wasn’t aware that it happened. Once you realize what has happened and your mind starts to think thoughts of concern and despair, that’s when it starts to affect us.

When we learn to separate our thoughts from the facts, it helps us see things more clearly. You might say, “I was so sad when my friend got in a wreck,” but what you really meant was, “I was so sad what I thought about when my friend got in a wreck.” When we realize that our minds cause our feelings, we can gain more control over our emotional lives. This doesn’t mean we don’t choose to be sad, because you probably will. But it means you have the choice to feel a certain way when you’re faced with different experiences.

Let’s take the earlier example of the fact that I’m a mom. I had a fight with my daughter, and I overreacted. Maybe I say things that I shouldn’t have. I start to have thoughts about how I should’ve handled things. I might feel upset because I have thoughts that I should know better and I’m not a good mom and I’m failing as a mother. The fact is, I am a mom, but the story is negative with lots of self-doubt. 

THE POWER OF YOUR MIND

As we navigate through stress, overwhelm, or disappointment, we’ll learn to separate the circumstance (or fact) from the feeling. If you feel stressed about your work, understand the work doesn’t make you stressed — it’s the story (or thoughts) you’re having that make you stressed. Oftentimes you have no control over the circumstances, but you do have control of how you think about it.

The things we do in our life are because of our minds. Sometimes we believe our stories so deeply that we think they’re facts when they’re not. It’s important to remember that if the stories don’t serve us or help us progress, then we need to take another look at what we’re creating. 

Sometimes bad things happen to good people. Sometimes it’s good to share trials and memories. It’s important to understand that it isn’t useful to explain your current situation is caused by something that has happened in the past. If you’re holding on to something that happened in the past and it’s affecting your present, those thoughts will not serve you if they’re negative. 

It’s impossible to feel a feeling you felt 5 years ago and then re-experience it. You’re having a new thought about the past. The only pain you’re experiencing is the pain you’re creating now. If you feel shame or sorrow now, it’s not because of what happened to you in your past — it’s because of what you’re currently thinking about what happened to you in your past. 

People or experiences from your past don’t have power over you now, unless you let them. Don’t let horrible experiences live in your minds over and over.

You have the choice to focus on all the good experiences or all the bad experiences. The story that you tell about your past depends on what you’re choosing to focus on.

It’s human nature to feel feelings and create stories, but when you start to have awareness around the stories you’re creating, you start to take control of your life. You start to create stories that will help you become the best you. We can change our thoughts to positive self-talk, such as “I’m learning” or “I’m doing the best I can” or “I’m improving.”

LEARNING PATIENCE

Be patient with the process of changing your thoughts. The first step is always awareness. Simply start by just paying attention to the stories you’re telling yourself. Ask yourself if the stories are helping or hurting your progress. 

This concept is one of the great foundation tools that has changed the way I think. Oftentimes in business and life, I find myself in circumstances where I’m feeling a negative emotion. I take a pause and decipher my thoughts and ask myself how I can change this story to serve me. 

I want to challenge you this week to take some time to reflect on your own thoughts and ask yourself what are the facts and what are the stories.