LIFE COACHING SERIES – SURVIVOR VS VICTIM

SURVIVOR VS VICTIM

If you have been following me for a while you probably know bits and pieces of my story. Within a span of 5 years I lost my 14 year old son, my husband at the time lost his job, we moved, experienced betrayal, divorced, and moved back to Utah. I am not going to lie and say it hasn’t been hard, because it has. But this Life Coaching concept that I am going to share today is one that has been instrumental in my resilience and happiness. 

We all have horrible, tragic or sad things that happen to us in our lives.  Oftentimes we have no control over those things.  We don’t get a choice, but we do have a choice as to how we respond to those things.  Are we going to take our experiences and become a victim or are we going to take those experiences and become a survivor?

When we choose to become a victim we tend to blame, withdraw and avoid feeling negative emotion.  We dwell in the past and our progression is stalled.  We use excuses as to why our behavior is a certain way.  We don’t hold ourselves accountable for our current behavior and might say things like “I am this way because of what I went through.”  We are defensive and avoid vulnerability. 

My daughter was diagnosed with ADHD and Dyslexia when she was in the 4th grade. I have tried to be intentional about how I talk about this with her. I don’t think we have mentioned her ADHD or Dyslexia more than 5 times in the last 5 years.  The reason. I don’t want that to define her. When she struggles in school, I don’t want her to think she doesn’t have control over the outcomes in her life. When she struggles, I just respond with you just need to try harder sis. You can do this. I want to empower her! 

Victim mentality does not mean we are weak, it means we are stuck.  We focus on what has happened to us and we lose control over our thoughts and our results.  Oftentimes we make our experience define who we are.  We blame ourselves and soon our experiences consume who we are. 

When we identify as a victim, there must also be a villain. Who is your villain today? Who are you blaming? Very often, it’s ourselves. We can play both roles.

Vulnerability is knowing that you are enough, that you are perfect exactly the way you are. You get to choose do you want to be bitter or better.

When we make the choice to be a survivor, we have strength, courage and connections with others.  We have power over our mind.  We become who we are supposed to become.

Being the survivor helps us realize that we are enough.  It turns us into warriors.  We become strong, determined and willing to help others.  It gives us perspective and experience that helps us help others.  When you accept the things that happen to you, that is when you progress.  We take those experiences and create the ending that serves us the most in your life.