HOW TO STOP PROCRASTINATING

HOW TO STOP PROCRASTINATING

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HOW TO STOP PROCRASTINATING

How To Stop Procrastinating

Do you want to go back to school to finish a degree? Are you wanting to start a business or a new career? Do you have things you want to do, but have put them off for years? It’s time to dust off your dreams! You have goals that are waiting for you to check off your list. Understanding why we procrastinate will help us finish what we are afraid to start.

 

If you are like me, you have a To-Do List a mile long. As the CEO of Household, you wear a million hats. Unfortunately, not only are you the CEO, you are also the housekeeper, the chef, the taxi, the accountant, etc. So even if you could delegate, there is no one to delegate to. 

 

Each day we wake up ready to tackle our list. Have you ever noticed the biggest items—the ones we value most or the things that take the most time—we leave to the last possible minute skip entirely? You might be a self-proclaimed master procrastinator, or you might have convinced yourself that you do better under pressure. Either thought does not alleviate the fact that this behavior is often accompanied with anxiety and stress. The end result is a feeling of depletion or disappointment. 

 

Why do we do this? Why do we procrastinate? We avoid things because we might feel afraid: I am not going to be good enough or smart enough, I am afraid what others will think, or maybe it might be too hard or make me feel uncomfortable. These thoughts don’t serve us. They contribute to putting off the things in our life that might bring us the most joy and satisfaction.  

 

So how do we change this habitual pattern? Most of us are not used to noticing what we think. We first need to recognize our thoughts and realize how they are holding us back. The things we think cause us to feel insecurity or fear, which leads to procrastination or inaction. Second, we need to come up with some new thoughts that will help us progress. If you have the thought, “I don’t know how to do this,” you can change that thought to “I need to learn how to do this.” If your thought is, “I don’t have enough time,” you can change that to, “I will make time because it is important to me.” Finally, as you start to recognize and manage your thoughts, you will start to take more action. 

 

This change will not happen overnight. It takes practice and work, but if you put in the effort you will find that procrastination is never the solution. Once you realize that procrastination is just a thought you will have the knowledge and the ability to make changes. You will learn to become the best you as you make the major dreams and goals in your life a priority instead of something that you avoid on your To-Do List.

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STOP CARING WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK

STOP CARING WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK

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STOP CARING WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK

STOP CARING WHAT PEOPLE THINK

We spend so much of our lives worrying about what other people will think of us. Our kids misbehave, and we worry that others will view us as a “bad” mom.  We skip a social event and we assume that people will think we are rude.  We say what’s on our minds and are convinced we have offended. The list goes on and on and on. When we learn to stop caring what other people think, we will find empowerment. We gain the confidence to become who we want to be.


One of my favorite analogies is called “A Peach is A Peach.” It goes like this: You could be the sweetest, juiciest, tastiest, prettiest peach, but some people just don’t like peaches and you know what?  That’s okay.  If someone told us they didn’t like peaches would we constantly try to convince them that peaches are good?  Probably not, but we do that with ourselves! 

Do we often act in a way that we think will please or impress other people? We do this in an effort to convince them what to think.  We are seeking constant approval in our words and actions. The truth is some people just don’t like or agree with us. That is okay.  I could speak to a group of 100 women, fifty of them could agree with what I said and fifty of them could disagree. I know that I have no control over other people’s thoughts no matter what I do or say.  None.

With the right tools you can learn to believe and accept you have no control over what other people think.  Don’t get me wrong, it takes practice—LOTS of practice—but once you can accomplish this you will gain unbelievable freedom.  You will build confidence you didn’t know existed.  You will become the truest, most authentic version of yourself.  As this happens you will start to live a life that allows you to be and do things that will best serve you.  Your relationships will become deeper and more meaningful. You will be a better mother, wife, sister, or businesses woman and begin to spread your wings and accomplish your goals.  

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LEARNING TO DEAIL WITH TOXIC PEOPLE

Toxic People

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LEARNING TO DEAL
WITH TOXIC PEOPLE

LEARNING TO DEAL WITH TOXIC PEOPLE

“Collector of People” is what I refer to myself as. I love people and love friendships even more. I am a very inquisitive person. People are so fascinating and love to hear their stories. I have moved a lot in my adult life and have met and made cherished friendships along the way. Like all of us in our journey of life, along with good, healthy relationships, we have relationships that are not the most ideal—relationships that have been a mix of stress, negativity, and anger.  Often we refer to these as “Toxic People.” Learning to deal with toxic people is essential. 

 

Some of those relationships we made by choice and others were forged through circumstances, such as work or family. I once referred to the negative people in my life as toxic. But guess what? There is no such thing as toxic people. The word toxic means poisonous, which refers to something that is consumed by your body and affects your cells.  It’s just not possible for someone to poison your body.

 

While it’s true that people can put off negative energy, it’s our choice how we decide to let that affect us. We have no control how people behave, whether they are mean, condescending, or rude. However, when you let their behavior affect yours, you are giving them power over your thoughts. People are not toxic, it is how we think and then react that is toxic.  

 

We have complete control over who we spend time with. You might think you have to spend time with certain people because they are family or because you work with them, but this is not true. Nobody can make you do anything. If we don’t like our boss or co-workers, we can choose to find another job. If we make the choice to spend time with family or friends who are negative, we need to take responsibility for that choice.  

It is true that we tend to act a certain way when we are around different people. We may show up in a way that is not aligned with who we want to be, but it is not their fault we made that choice. If someone is rude to you, it’s not their fault when you are rude back.  We need to take ownership for our own behavior and not justify bad behaviors because of another.  

If you are noticing you are behaving in a way that you don’t like around a certain person, it doesn’t necessarily mean you need to remove that person from your life. It is an opportunity to work on yourself and your thoughts. This may mean setting better boundaries for yourself or changing your thoughts.  If one of your children was giving you a hard time, would you remove them from your life? No. You would work to change your thoughts around the situation as to not react in a way that was mean or unkind.  Learning the same thought process when it comes to other relationships in our life is key. We need to learn to manage our thoughts.

Make the choice who you want to spend time with.  Once we have made that choice we need to own it. We have control over what we think, feel, and do. We never want to give others power or control over the way we think and that is what we do when we let them influence us.  It is important that you do your mind work before, during, and after you spend time with people.  Other people are not toxic. Change the way you look at them.  Remember: whether you choose to spend time with certain people or not, make sure you are in control and feel empowered.  

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HAPPINESS IS NOT A PLACE – IT’S A STATE OF MIND

As you learn to identify, control, and change your thoughts, you will soon realize that happiness is not a place, but a state of mind.

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HAPPINESS IS NOT A PLACE
- IT'S A STATE OF MIND

HAPPINESS IS NOT A PLACE - IT'S A STATE OF MIND

One of the first nights after we moved, I decided to go for a run. I ran a few miles and then stopped myself in my tracks. I was in awe. The stars were so big and bright. I had been living in Michigan for the past six years and although the state was covered in lush, vibrant greenery and beautiful, serene lakes, it was often overcast. I soon learned that not only did El Paso have 300-and-something days of sunshine, but that the sunsets were also beyond amazing. Dusk was regularly a display of colors that I didn’t previously know existed. The palm trees framed the sky like a scene from a postcard. To me, El Paso sky was beyond amazing.

 

I have moved several times in my life, but I can’t pick which place was my favorite. I have loved them all for very different reasons. I always say I can be happy anywhere. Often, we think we would be happy if we had this or that. Then we get this or that and find we are still not happy. Sometimes life takes us to places we never thought we would go. Sometimes the reasons we are taken there are not the most ideal and can be a result of trial or struggle. We may end up in places because of circumstances that are out of our control. We don’t always have choices when it comes to circumstances, but we always have choices about what we choose to think and feel about those circumstances. 

 

If you find yourself thinking that you don’t like where you live, take some time and reflect on your thoughts. Change your thoughts to focus on the good. Search for gratitude. There is something good in every situation. As you learn to identify, control, and change your thoughts, you will soon realize that happiness is not a place, but a state of mind. 

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GIVING KIDS CONFIDENCE

Giving Kids Confidence

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GIVING KIDS CONFIDENCE

GIVING KIDS CONFIDENCE

Before I even had kids, I would daydream of how great they would be and I knew giving kids confidence was important. My husband and I both played sports in high school, so clearly our children would be superstar athletes. They would excel, and we would be the proud parents of athletic prodigies.

 

Soon enough, we became parents and within a short time of raising them, I had a shift in my paradigm. Although they enjoyed sports, it wasn’t as much as a priority as I had once thought. I had other plans—new plans for my children. They were going to do well in school. I wanted them to excel in academics and set goals to become doctors, lawyers, and CEOs. This is what I really wanted for my children. Time progressed and my children grew. I found myself, once again, wanting more for them. My children would do their best, but I didn’t care if they were amazing athletes or gifted scholars. I wanted something of greater value. I wanted them to be kind, loving, and confident adults.

 

We are our children’s best teachers. Children model and mimic our mannerisms, values, and behaviors. We cannot expect our children to eat healthy if all we eat is junk food.  We cannot assume our children will not lie, cheat or swear if that is all they have known from family life, however, the same principle applies to us giving our children confidence. Our children are a reflection of us. What are we giving them to reflect? Do our decisions and actions display confidence?

 

What is confidence?  Confidence is trust, certitude, assurance.  Confidence is believing in yourself. It is saying you will do something and then doing it. This comes down to doing the responsible and useful things for yourself, even when you don’t feel like it. If you can’t count on yourself, you will feel insecure. You will start to feel out of control and chaotic. If you learn to trust yourself and have consistent follow through, you will gain confidence.  What you think of yourself is what generates or deplete confidence.

 

When you start to have more confidence, you will set more goals, take more actions, and achieve more and confidence will soon become a self-belief. You will begin relying on your belief that you can handle anything. Increased confidence comes from changing your thoughts about yourself.  The more certain you become of yourself the more confidence you will attract. Start by learning to depend on yourself. Say what you mean and mean what you say. Secondly, try new things, meet new people, show up, take more risks, believe you are capable of more and then follow through. 

 

Confidence is a wonderful thing for you and giving your kids confidence is a wonderful thing for them and people are drawn to confidence.  It feels attractive and will create attraction. It opens many doors and offers opportunity. We lead by example. Don’t talk the talk, walk the walk. We often say and hear people say that they would do anything and everything for their children, but if you want to give your child the best gift, give them your own confidence.     

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IMPORTANCE OF TRUE FRIENDSHIPS

IMPORTANCE OF TRUE FRIENDSHIPS

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IMPORTANCE OF TRUE FRIENDSHIPS

IMPORTANCE OF TRUE FRIENDSHIPS

I remember when I was younger someone told me about the importance of true friendships. They contineud to tell me that you can count your true friendships on one hand. I have to be honest, I didn’t believe that to be true. I have always been very social and love meeting new people. I have moved several times throughout my adult life, and with each move came new experiences and amazing friendships. Over the years, I have maintained many of these friendships. The occasional text message, phone call, and Christmas card are shared. I feel grateful for these friendships and it puts a smile on my face and joy in my heart when I reflect on the memories that we created together. At one time I naively thought many of them to be true friendships. I did not really discern between “friendship” and “true friendship.” 

 

Then life happened and the unsolicited advice I had received many years ago took on a whole new meaning. My true friendships, my inner circle, my tribe, my people began to be revealed.  My circle got smaller, but my vision got clearer. I realized there’s strength in loyalty and devotion, not numbers. Today when I think of these friendships my throat tightens, my heart races, and tears fill my eyes. I am overwhelmed with gratitude when I think how these friendships carried me through my darkest hours. These friendships have become some of my most prized possessions.  

 

When I reflect on these relationships I find myself asking: what makes these friendships so deep and meaningful? The answer is vulnerability. When we are vulnerable, we are our most authentic, real, true selves. There is no hiding, no dishonestly, no manipulating and no competition when we are vulnerable. We share our weaknesses, our fears and our failures knowing that there is no judgement. We connect deeply with others when we divulge our struggles and fears. Our cries for help are heard even though the words are not spoken. We show up for one another even though we are struggling to show up for ourselves. We become relatable and connect on a deeper level when we show our vulnerable side. 

When we find those friends, the ones with whom we can be authentic and share our true selves, those are the friendships you hold on to. You soon realize the importance of true friendships. Those are the friendships you nurture, cherish and devote your time to. When we find ourselves in relationships where we have let go of the fear of vulnerability, those are the friendships you count on one hand.

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DEALING WITH CHANGE

DEALING WITH CHANGE

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DEALING WITH CHANGE

DEALING WITH CHANGE

I always knew I wanted to have children. Becoming a mother was something I longed for and even looked forward to pregnancy.  Within a few months of marriage, I found out I was pregnant. I was scared and excited all at the same time. The excitement faded pretty quickly when I started to feel sick. I was miserable. I was having a hard time dealing with change in my health. There was nothing I could do that made me feel better. Every day for months I would say to myself, “Tomorrow I will feel better.” I awoke with feeling of disappointment every morning when I felt horrible again. The sickness seemed never ending and I felt like the nausea was a lifelong sentence. Then a miracle happened.  After months of feeling sick, I woke up and I actually felt better. The urge to vomit my brains out was gone and my energy was back too. It was incredible how good I felt.

 

You may be wondering why I tell you this familiar story. The truth is, I love a good analogy.  That is how I learn and in turn how I teach. Having a baby is something I wanted, but my body had to go through a great deal of change to make that happen. The change was not easy or comfortable, but it did not last forever. In the end, I grew a beautiful human and the result was the best reward—becoming a mother. 

 

Change is inevitable in our lives, whether that is emotional, physical or mental.  It is part of the process as we evolve and strive to become our best selves.  Sometimes the change comes involuntarily and sometimes it comes by choice.  If we want different results in our lives then we have to anticipate and embrace change, no matter how uncomfortable or painful it is. Our life is filled with ups and downs or positives and negatives.  We cannot have one without the other.  If we can accept that, then we will get to where we are going with more understanding.

 

There is a tool, or rather an insight, that I teach my clients.  When we are dealing with change, there is a point during this transformation when things are hard, challenging, or uncomfortable.  I refer to this time as the “River of Misery.”  We are struggling and feel despair, frustration, or even sadness.  This feeling will not last forever, but it is just part of the process of change.  Understand that being in the “River of Misery” is just part of getting to where you want to go.

 

The next time you are seeking change, or it happens without warning, prepare yourself for the “river of misery”, understanding that when you are in the depths of the river that you are in the process of change. It won’t last forever, and it is a good thing; it shows that you are one step closer to becoming the best you.  

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FINDING STRENGTH THROUGH TRIALS

FINDING STRENGTH THROUGH TRIALS

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FINDING STRENGTH THROUGH TRIALS

FINDING STRENGTH THROUGH TRIALS

I have always been strong-willed and determined for as long as I can remember. Priding myself on my independence and strong persona has become my identity. I avoid asking others for help in an effort to show my self-reliance. That is me on the outside. On the inside, I have had my fair share of disappointment, loss, trials, and hardships. Finding strength through trials has been an ongoing journey. I do not walk this path alone and know of others who have experienced far worse.

 

Not too long ago I experienced the loss of a child. I am happy to share the compiled chapters that contribute to my story. If my story can uplift or help someone, I am more than happy to share the memories. The loss and devastation that I’ve experienced in my life have made me who I am today. I have become stronger and evolved through my losses and my failures, but I am NOT my trials and my failures. I am so much more.  

 

Sometimes we don’t have choices when it comes to our circumstances, but we have choices every day of how we want to think and act upon them. It’s human nature to be sad or mad when unfortunate things happen to us. We need to take time to feel our emotions regardless of what they are. Striving to have compassion for ourselves and process our feelings with as much time as we need is necessary for us to progress. Experiencing feelings both positive and negative is part of the process. It’s when we get stuck in negative or unpleasant emotions that it becomes detrimental to our growth.  

 

We have two choices, or mindsets, of how we can react when it comes to our circumstances. We can choose to have the thoughts that we are a victim, or we can choose to be a survivor. When we dwell in anger or sadness, it soon starts to consume us. Our thoughts, words, and actions echo our feelings. When this happens, negativity slowly erodes away at us. If we let it define us, we have become the victim of our circumstance. 

 

On the other end of the spectrum, if we choose to become a survivor we are refined into something better than we were before. By taking our hardships and learning from them, we turn them into a strength. We can transform the most tragic story of heartache into something with an extraordinary purpose. We consciously make a choice to become stronger, more compassionate, and understanding as we forge through the pain.  

I have a story that is not yet complete.  My story has a captivating beginning, a middle filled with joy and intertwined sorrow, and choose to make my ending exceptionally beautiful because I choose to be a survivor. How will your story end?

 

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FINDING CONFIDENCE IN MOTHERHOOD

Finding Confidence In Motherhood

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Finding Confidence in Motherhood

Finding Confidence in Motherhood

Recently I was the phone with a client. She needed help finding confidence in motherhood. She has dedicated a majority of her adult life to following her husband across the country so he can complete medical school, residency, and fellowships.  She doesn’t regret it and would do it again. She loves her husband and feels blessed to be able to support him as he has accomplished these amazing goals.  In between moves across the country she had the honor and privilege of becoming a mother.  These little people instantly became her tribe.  Aside from supporting her husband, being a mother has given her such purpose and joy.  At the time her love and devotion hardly seemed like a sacrifice. 

 

But while she found herself living this incredible life, she also found herself doing a lot more self-reflecting.  Her husband has a successful medical practice and her children are in school—happy, healthy, and thriving.  Her life is everything she had ever hoped for, but all of sudden she has found herself experiencing feelings of inadequacy.  She finds herself remembering who she once was.  She had dreams, ambitions, and goals at one time.  She placed those hopes on hold only to find after all these years she no longer felt capable.

 

This is all too common of a scenario for mothers.  As women, why does something as rewarding as being a wife or mother rob us of our confidence?  Why do we need help finding confidence in motherhood? We have one of the most impactful jobs in society—teaching children to be good adults.  We want to instill confidence in our children, yet we struggle within ourselves. In order to teach this, we must learn it and practice the skills ourselves.  

 

The first thing we can do is recognize that the lack of self-confidence or self-worth originates with our thoughts.  Feelings of insecurity come from your thoughts.  If you want to go back to school to finish a degree, start a business, or go after a career but feel a lack of confidence you need to figure out, what are the thoughts you are having that make you feel that way?  

Maybe you’re thinking:

I don’t have time. Or,

I don’t feel smart enough. 

 

If so, you need thoughts that will serve you better. Negative thoughts do one of two things: slow you down or stop you from moving forward.  Either option doesn’t make you happy. Changing our thoughts can help us move us forward.  

I don’t have time becomes I will make time because this is important to me.

 

As we practice our thoughts and change them to best serve us we will find our self-confidence propelling our momentum. We will begin finding confidence in motherhood. We realize that we can do hard things.  We will begin to see we have so much potential and are more than capable of setting, executing, and achieving our goals. Our thoughts control our actions and those actions can manifest results. We will soon find our own identity and discover that we are much more than a doctor’s wife.

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FINDING THE CONFIDENCE YOU HAVE BEEN LOOKING FOR!

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END THE GIRL DRAMA!

How to avoid girl drama at home and at work.

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END THE GIRL DRAMA

END THE GIRL DRAMA

My daughter is 10 years old and in the 4th grade. I have gotten a little taste of girl drama these past few months. I get it, I really do. What would school be without some theatrics? We all know how it starts, but how to end the girl drama is the real question. I eagerly anticipate our car rides home from school to hear all the happenings of who said this or that. I am convinced the most valuable and teachable opportunities are in car rides right after school or just before bedtime—when kids will say or do anything to prolong going to sleep.

I picked my daughter up from school the other day.  She jolted in the car frazzled and upset.  I know better than to ask what is wrong but refrained until she was ready to talk.  A friend at school had told her she was “rude as usual.”  I let her vent and steam until she was ready to listen. I then turned my mama bear hat on backward and morphed into life coach-mode.  I began to remind her that we can not control other people’s thoughts or actions, but only our own.  When she said, “ you were rude as usual, how did that make you feel,” I asked?  She snapped back with. “it made me sad.”

 

Right around this age is when children realize that they do not get along with everyone and that certain behaviors or mannerisms of their peers sometimes don’t align with their own. They may get irritated, annoyed, and agitated by things that previously had gone unnoticed. They start to become more mindful of what others are saying, wearing, or doing. They become more self-aware and self-conscious. This is a crucial time in their lives to teach them about the power of thoughts.

We have done an injustice to our children without even realizing it. At a young age when someone would say something to our child that made them feel uncomfortable, we responded with, Did they hurt your feelings? This is where we went wrong. Other people have no control over our feelings; we are completely responsible for our own feelings. Our thoughts control our feelings. Let me say that again, our thoughts control our feelings. If someone tells you they don’t like what you are wearing, that statement does not make you sad. It’s when you let your thoughts turn into I don’t look good, or My clothes are not cute, that creates a feeling of sadness. Although it’s easy to blame those around us—the one who doesn’t like what you’re wearing, in truth, we own our thoughts. We alone have power over our thoughts. 

One of the most valuable and empowering tools that I teach is to identify, control, and change your thoughts. The instant we let others’ opinions, words, or actions affect us, we have allowed ourselves the inability to reach our full potential. These habits may have developed in our early years, but it isn’t too late to reverse them and teach them to ourselves and our children now. Starting the drama takes little effort, but learning to end the girl drama is the real achievement.  Don’t go throughout your life feeling offended or hurt. You can learn to identify your thoughts and eventually control and change them to serve you and help you progress. 

I prompted my daughter with a few more questions, “what thoughts did you have when you were sad?” She explained, “she wasn’t rude and how could her friend say that?”  Together we thought of some new thoughts so she wouldn’t feel sad.  “I am not rude,” she said as she stepped out of the car and danced into the house.

 

Life is most definitely not void of hard and challenging relationships and trials. We will continue to have these same experiences of “girl drama” as we become adults. We will experience these in our personal lives and in the workplace. But if we learn to manage what we can control we will learn to end the girl drama. 

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